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What You Can Do in the Fight Against Domestic Violence This most recent case of murder-suicide in Bay D'Espoir has communities asking 'What could we have done to possibly prevent such a tragedy?' 'What can we do to prevent further tragedies?' Did you know this is the 5th woman murdered by her husband/boyfriend in our province since February 2005? This is the fourth murder-suicide involving a man killing his girlfriend/wife. These numbers should indicate that what happened a just recently isn't an isolated incident. What is so traumatizing for the community of Bay D'Espoir is that there were neighbours present at the time of the shooting - standing only inches from the woman when she fell to the ground. It was a community event that left neighbours huddled in a basement unsure of what exactly was happening outside. This case so tragically breaks the myth that family violence is a private matter. To say that domestic violence is a family matter is to underestimate its impact on our community. Shrouded in notions of privacy and secrecy, oftentimes, the community will accommodate the behaviour – if only by not speaking of it. Unspoken, yet acknowledged by family and friends, no one wants to get involved. Neighbours commented that, looking back, the man involved displayed jealous tendencies. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and it's difficult to say what, if anything, would have changed had someone gotten involved. Let's learn from this tragedy to work together to prevent another tragedy in our province.
If you are a woman living in violence.... Know that you are not alone. Isolation is a very common feeling for women living in violence - they feel as though they have no where to turn. Last year, Iris Kirby House received over 800 crisis phone calls - women in fear for their lives and the lives of their children. This number is the tip of the iceberg as Iris Kirby House is only one of many shelters in the province, and those women were those who went so far as to make the call. Many women are afraid to pick up the phone. Many women don't know that these shelters even exist. But they do, and they exist for you. They are open 24 hours/day, 7 days/week should you need shelter or someone to talk to. But these shelters do more than give you a place to sleep, which is why they've changed their names to 'transition houses'. Houses like Iris Kirby in St. John's, and Cara Transition House in Gander offer a number of services to help you leave a violent situation forever. They will help you make contact with Human Resources Labour and Employment (HRLE) to access income support, they will work with you to determine what your needs are. If you need skills training, they will help arrange this. Most importantly, they can help you develop a safety plan which will help you leave the situation with your safety and the safety of your kids being the priority. Transition Houses are well connected organizations there to help you. For a complete listing, click here. If you feel your life is in danger, trust your instincts. Call the RNC or RCMP at 911. You can file an Emergency Protection Order to remove your abuser from the home. To learn more about Emergency Protection Orders, click here. Come to understand and recognize the cycle of violence in your own life, in your own home. Click here.
If you are an abuser... It is not uncommon for abusers to have grown up in family violence. Certainly, not all have. Men who abuse their partners are 3x as likely to have witnessed their fathers abusing their mothers as children. Is this an excuse for violence? No. Absolutely not. There is no excuse for violence. Similarly, alcohol and drug abuse is a factor in many family violence situations. It is a factor, but it is no excuse. That being said, if alcohol/drug abuse or a history of family violence are factors, there are ways to help. YOU are responsible for stopping the cycle of violence. If you abuse your partner and you're reading this, you must be interested in stopping the cycle of violence. Recognize that family violence is not a private matter. What few abusers and abused realize is that the community is often aware of the violence going on. Breaking the silence can end the violence. Come to understand and recognize the cycle of violence in your own life, in your own home. Click here. Recognize that domestic violence is a crime. The law no longer allows for a woman to decide whether or not to press charges. An assault is an assault. Seek out programs that might help address issues contributing to your violent behaviour. Be the one who breaks this cycle. You are not alone.
Addiction Services
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Eastern Regional Integrated
Health Authority
2nd Floor
Bldg 532 Recovery Centre Provincial non-medical detoxification service which is operated by the Addictions Services branch of the Eastern Regional Integrated Health Authority. The Centre is located in St. John's, and is open to men and women who are intoxicated or who are experiencing symptoms of alcohol and other drug withdrawal or who are needing respite from a gambling problem. Clients of the Recovery Centre have full access to the outpatient and inpatient treatment services of Addictions Services. Detoxification may also be accomplished at home under a doctor's guidance or in a hospital for those experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms and needing supervised detoxification.
1st Floor
Bldg. 532
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) A support group program designed to offer help to individuals suffering from problems due to their own alcohol consumption
P.O. Box
26074 Tel. (709) 579-6091 (pre-recorded meeting information) http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
Gamblers Anonymous (H.O.P.E. Chapter) Association to help those for whom gambling has become a problem, providing mutual support Meetings held Saturdays at 2:00 pm at the Recovery Centre, Building 532 in Pleasantville, St. John’s Tel. (709) 738-4919 (to schedule a meeting)
Narcotics Anonymous (NA) An international, community-based "12-step" self-help recovering program, working toward drug-free living (Interpretation services for the deaf or hard-of-hearing are available on request.) Meetings are held:
Monday, Wednesday or Friday: Canonwood Hall, 8:00 PM at St. Thomas's Church
P.O.
Box 782, Stn. C Tel. (709) 579-4290
Recovering Addicts Fellowship Team (RAFT) 38 Pearson Street, Suite 111 St. John’s, NL A1A 3RL Tel. 351-0000
John Howard Society of Newfoundland & Labrador Community based volunteer organization which works to reduce crime by providing opportunities for the rehabilitation of offenders and advocating reform through successful program interventions, public education, crime prevention strategies and restorative justice principles. The Learning Resources Program (LRP) of the John Howard Society provides program opportunities (group and individual counselling) for offenders on Electronic Monitoring, various Early Release programs, Conditional Sentences and Probation. An assessment by the staff of the LRP will determine eligibility for the program as well as the length, type and intensity of intervention. Some of the programs offered include:
426 Water
Street
You are not alone in this knowledge. Sadly, family violence is a very common reality for every community. Come to understand and recognize the cycle of violence in your own community. Click here. Learn more about the services and supports out there for women living in violence. Shelters/transition houses will work to develop safety plans so that women may leave a violent situation with their children in safety. Last year, Iris Kirby House received over 800 crisis phone calls - women in fear for their lives and the lives of their children. This number is the tip of the iceberg as Iris Kirby House is only one of many shelters in the province, and those women were those who went so far as to make the call. Many women are afraid to pick up the phone. Many women don't know that these shelters even exist. But they do, and they exist for women and children in crisis. They are open 24 hours/day, 7 days/week should someone you know need shelter, or should you or someone you know need someone to talk to. For a complete listing, click here. Women living in violence may need someone to talk to. Isolation is a major factor in violent relationships. This is not to say that she expects you to save the day. She might just need someone to listen. How does one bring up the subject for fear of being considered nosey, snooping, etc.? Certainly, as the case in Bay D'Espoir outlines, the alternative can be tragic, dwarfing any concerns you might have of interfering.
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Send mail to
cavae@coalitionagainstviolence.ca
with questions or comments about this web site.
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